


Whiskey, Tears, and Broken Eggs

by Kat_Dakuu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Au: sci-fi, Drinking, M/M, Sappy Ending, dating app, learning to love again, light futuristic elements, past Jeanmarco - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Dakuu/pseuds/Kat_Dakuu
Summary: Where a particular dark haired man with a severe cut and a matching scowl always sat as Eren’s top pick, a new face had appeared. “Ninety-six percent compatible? Holy shit, Ere. I didn’t know that was possible!”Eren squinted, not sure he believed the data himself. “Jean Kirschtein? Who the fuck is this?”The future brought a lot of changes, but the iConnect was perhaps humanity’s greatest achievement. Too bad Eren just used it for things like dating games. That was, until he ran into a face he never saw before and now he’s curious. Even if it brings him tears, he wants to have this dance. Whiskey, tears, and a half-dozen broken eggs to get it right. Oh god, he wants it all.





	1. Chapter 1

Eren gazed at the digital screen of his personal iConnect, the ceiling fan making a rhythmic whoosh and squeak that he found comforting after three years, even if the landlord offered to upgrade it for free. Curtesy of a government program or something about unsafe twentieth century tech. He didn't understand such things though. Was the fan going to spin its way off his ceiling or something? Not any more likely than he would spin out of control.

Work had dragged on all week, but for some reason, his weekend dragged even longer. Having Armin sprawled across his lap should have offered some sort of entertainment, but his best friend looked equally bored. His own iConnect flashed different types of exotic fruit and the local prices. However, his blue eyes looked glazed over.

"Why does nothing change," Eren sighed. "All this bullshit is the same every day."

Armin grunted back, but otherwise gave no indication that he listened. "That's because your life is a cycle of repeating idiocies. The algorithm probably doesn't know what to do with your pathetic-ness."

"Armin!"

After a sharp pinch to the smaller man's arm, Armin yelped, then lowered his device. When the electronic screen vanished, he met Eren's eyes with a far softer gaze. "Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to for a minute." Which seemed like a very dumb excuse, but Eren let it slide. "Although, I get what you mean about being bored. What have you been staring at this whole time anyway? I know you don't read the articles."

"Huh?" Eren shifted so he could show Armin as the smaller man shifted to use Eren's shoulder like a pillow. "The relationship compatibility program. I was typing in friends to see what our compatibility is. You know ours is at seventy-eight percent right?" he added with a shit-eating grin, eyebrows waggling as the other man gave an outright groan. "Oh, and then there's Mikasa. After I bought all those gay porn magazines last night, our compatibility dropped a whole five percent."

"Oh really. I wonder why," Armin bit out. Despite his words, his eyebrows quirked up with interest. He just wished Eren would keep quiet about his porn choice. Eying the rumpled bed sheets, he wondered if Eren got a chance to use those magazines...and if he did laundry after.

Eren laughed, no doubt reading his mind. "You're such a…ah hey!" He punched Armin in the arm. "Look! It updated again!"

Both of them stared in wonder. Where a particular dark haired man with a severe cut and matching scowl always sat as Eren's top pick, a new face appeared. "Ninety-six percent match? Holy shit, Ere. I didn't know that was possible!"

Eren squinted, not sure he believed it himself. "Jean Kirschtein? Who the fuck is this?" The guy looked young, like Eren, though he couldn't guess an exact age from just a picture. That image though, Eren couldn't help but stare. Short brown hair peeked from beneath layers of blonde, and Jean's ears each bore two black stones. It took a second for the sight to fully filter down and when it did, it struck Eren hard. He _knew_ this face. Not from the dating app though. The memory left him frozen until the prickle of eyes brought him back to awareness. Eren wasn't even sure now long Armin stared at him. Not a half-hearted gaze either, but full on, I-forgot-what-blinking-was kind of staring. "...What?"

Armin shook his head with that epiphany look that Eren rarely understood without help. "So wait, he was never in your matches at all before? Not like, fifth place or something. Don't tell me he-"

Eren laughed as he pulled a hand through his messy brown locks. "Uh, yeah. Looks like it. A near perfect match and he appeared out of fucking nowhere. Crazy right? Maybe the algorithm broke?" Like, _really_ broke. How could two strangers get that compatible? Even his match with Levi, the highest he'd ever gotten, peaked at only eighty-two. He considered that pretty damn high for someone he never met, and didn't much plan to track down either. For all that the numbers interested him, he'd always been content to let fate throw all the punches. He didn't need a system to tell him what he needed, but this was too much. Ninety-six percent? He'd die of curiosity if he did nothing now.

"The algorithm doesn't just break like that," Armin chided, though awe colored his voice, curiosity shining in his eyes. "Everything you do and buy, who you're with and when gets calculated together. You go to the internet cafe, you buy lattes when with me or black coffee when alone, go to a sports game or agree to a political survey. You know it all adds up. The iConnect knows everything, Ere. There's no way it could ever be wrong!" he added with a dreamy sigh. Not that Eren hadn't heard this many times before. Armin turned into such a nerd when he technobabbled. Nevermind that it all went right over Eren's head. "You're the only idiot who doesn't trust it, you know."

Eren rolled his eyes. "So sue me. I don't like people telling me what to do."

"Oh, I hadn't noticed," Armin answered with a dry laugh spilling from his lips. "But that still doesn't explain where the match came from. I'd expect someone of such high compatibility to at least exist on the peripheries, even if your match suddenly improved. I mean, unless one of you experienced a personality meltdown…? No, even then," Armin cut himself off. "But a match is a match. He's got me curious. Makes me want to meet this guy now.…"

Letting himself get lost in the profile picture again, Eren hummed low and soft enough to draw Armin's eye. "Well…I think I can arrange that…" Eren sounded the words out, slow and not quite sure of his plan. Armin opened his mouth once, closed it, before managing an actual answer.

"You know him? Wait, seriously?!"

Eren shook his head before Armin could go off on a wild tangent. "No. But I _do_ know where to find him." The image of that tall head of two toned hair dancing in the flashing lights of Club Zsomnia rose in his mind. Not once, but twice did he see Jean there. _Jean_. Eren tasted the name in the back of his mind, excited to place it with the brief images he'd glimpsed before. Not that he stared or gave the guy much attention, not in such a crowded club. But now, he couldn't help but want to try, to see what happened when ninety-six percent matches met.

When he and Armin met eyes again, all that determination shone through. Oh yes, he would meet this guy no matter what.

xXx

Like most Friday nights, the club teemed with people and the sour scent of alcohol. Eren swayed to the music. The tight black pants and crimson tank top he wore showed off his muscles and bronzed skin, now slick with sweat. Others shouted nearby as an awkward couple of Reiner and Connie did a half choreographed, half grinding dance on the floor. Choreographed from Connie's side, senseless hip motions from Reiner. Honestly, he wondered how they didn't crash into each other, but he found the ridiculousness almost endearing. When he slunk away to collect a new round of drinks, they were still at it too, as if they hadn't danced half the night away already. He almost regretted that Armin couldn't join them, but he also relished the lack of watching eyes. After all, who knew how this night would go.

Eren sipped his drink, eyes unfocused as he stared into the sea of dancers. So many faces, spinning, twisting together. Would he _ever_ run into Jean like this? How many weeks would he needed to hound the club, looking for a face he saw in only glances before? Even if his gut told him to push on, his mind wondered why. Did he expect some kind of fairy-tale love? A compatibility app didn't hold that kind of mystic power. He should leave. As Eren stood though, a flash of platinum blonde and brown caught his eye— _Jean_.

Before he even realized it, Eren had downed his drink and slammed the glass back down. Fate intervened after all. How could he deny it? His feet took him to the dance floor where Jean stood, chatting with a tall, dark-haired man. Undaunted by the added audience, Eren stopped right in front of them with his grin growing wider by the second.

"Hey babe. Care to dance with me?"

The taller man's eyebrows arched straight up into his hairline, amusement clear on his face. Jean outright snorted. "Excuse me? Why would I dance with a short punk like you?" His eyes darted back to his companion. "Whatever. Looks like the mood is shot for tonight. See you around, Bertolt. Say hi to your new boy for me." He tossed out a wave, never once giving Eren more than a glance.

"Sorry, _what?"_ Eren gaped. For a second, he stood there with his mouth open, so shocked that he wondered if he misheard. Like Jean meant that insult for someone else or the music made the words harsher than intended. When the pair tried to step past him though, it all clicked into place. That _little fucker_ rejected him without a single glance. Screw being suave. No one got away with talking to Eren like that. "Hey! Don't just ignore me when I ask for a dance!" He fixed the pair with a glare that even made bystanders take notice. Seriously, he got his hopes up for this? An elitist prick?

A second passed, then the other guy—Bertolt—flashed Eren an amused smile. "I uh…really don't want to get involved, but if you want to dance, you should offer him a drink first. He's less of an asshole when drunk, though you seem a bit like one too, so it should be fine." After an awkward shrug, he shuffled back toward the crowd.

"I'm not an asshole!" both Eren and Jean screamed at the same time, but the words fell on deaf ears. Despite his height, Bertolt disappeared into the throngs of dancers in a way only a petite person should have managed.

When Eren and Jean met eyes again, he flushed, unnerved by his unraveling plans. Jean just crossed his arms though with a rather constipated look. Absolutely not attractive. And yet, Eren couldn't let himself back down yet. "So…if I buy you a drink, will you dance with me?"

Jean stared at him in incredulity, the silence stretching for almost a full minute before he broke into a wild grin. "Why not? Fine, buy me a drink and we'll go from there." He threw up both hands, then grabbed Eren's wrist in a seeming rage. Eren couldn't help but notice a certain tentativeness to his grip though, like he existed outside of his element. Very far outside of it. Eren's eyes narrowed at the taller man's back, but he said nothing as they stalked to the bar. He had no idea what he _could_ say.

They downed their double shots of Fireball at the same time, leaving dragon tongues curling to Eren's toes and a pink flush rising on Jean's cheeks. "I'm Eren by the way," he managed, grinning at the sweet look that Jean wore without seeming to realize it.

"Jean," he croaked back before licking his lips, his voice regaining the confident cadence from before. Eren didn't want to reveal that he knew the guy's name already, so he smiled, tried to look like he hung on Jean's every word. Which wasn't hard when his lips looked dry and chapped even as a drop of moisture clung to them. Oh _shit_. Eren had to resist the urge to lean forward and lick it off. As fun as the prospect sounded, he felt sure Jean would rip his head off if he tried. But Eren must have been staring too hard anyway because Jean let out a growl, regaining his attention in a second. "Now, were we going to dance or what?"

A bright grin burst over Eren's face, lighting up the sea-green color of his eyes. Everyone called them 'unfair' so he liked to use the power to his full advantage. "We are!" This time, he grabbed hold of Jean and dragged him back to the dance floor, grip insistent, but not painful. He didn't want to be a dick, but he was _excited_. He didn't even know what spurred him on at this point—the app, or just Jean, not that he knew anything about the guy yet.

After Eren manhandled him onto the dance floor, his hands and hips led them into the song's rhythm. Jean's eyes slipped closed and he breathed in deep, through his nose, before relaxing into Eren's grip. Less than a minute later, they were sliding their bodies together, rocking, grinding, then jumping with hands raised, like diving birds coming up for air. Nothing but the dance floor existed. Nothing besides the heat of their bodies, back to front, with Jean doing something sinful against Eren's crotch.

Even when the song ended, they kept dancing from one rhythm right into the next. Eren thought it might go on forever, but when he spun Jean around to dance face to face again, one of Jean's long legs caught on a passing stranger's foot. Cranberry juice and vodka flew into the air drawing a cry from both of them.

"Watch it, jackass!" The stranger cried. "Damn it, now I have to get another…"

"You watch it!" Eren snapped back, surprised that he beat Jean to it. The guy looked dazed though, staring at the club as if seeing it for the first time. Eren almost let that distant look distract him. When the stranger flipped him off though, Eren surged forward, too far gone to stop whatever his idiotic limbs planned on doing.

"Eren! For Christ's sake!"

That got his limbs to stop. What was so interesting about hearing those words from Jean's mouth though? Oh right, that guy never called his name before. Licking suddenly dry lips, Eren dropped his gaze to the dance floor, noting the shine of spilt liquid, inches from Jean's shoes—black combat boots with impeccable laces. They'd been pulled so tight it almost looked anal. Eren's converses with their half untied laces felt stupid next to Jean's. "Sorry."

The silence stretched for one second, then five, then thirty. Jean finally sighed as he deflated, gripping hard at Eren's arm. "Idiot. It's just a drink spill. At least he didn't ask us to pay for a new one. Probably knew it was his fault in the first place," Jean added with a roll of his eyes. He shoved both hands into his jean pockets before Eren lifted his head with a rueful grin.

"Yeah? That's true. But damn, I was enjoying that dance. Thought we could keep going until tomorrow if no one stopped us!" He was quite pleased to see a flush race across Jean's cheekbones. "Guess it's over now?"

Jean rolled his eyes for what had to be the tenth time that night. "Yeah? I don't see why I should stay with you, asshat. I've already done my societal duty for the day." Snorting, he broke their eye contact. "Peace out!" When he spun on his heel though, his voice came out strained and he didn't storm off like Eren expected. He didn't go anywhere at all. It almost looked like he waited for something. Like he wanted someone to grab him around the waist and pull him back down to earth.

"Well, I don't feel done with you yet!" Eren shouted back, surprising himself with the conviction in his voice.

"Hah?!"

"I…I bet you're running away because you know you'd lose!" The words came spilling out of Eren's mouth, his mind inventing the wild theories on the spot. "Heh. I led the dancing and if we drank, I'd put you under the table too. _Wimp._ "

To his surprise, Jean spun around, hazel eyes livid with fire and darkness and a thousand other things that sent a thrill straight up Eren's spine. "Get real. There's no way a bratty looking guy like you could drink me under the table. How about you put your money where your mouth is if you want to pick a fight!"

Eren's hands balled into fists as he puffed his chest, eyes answering Jean's challenge. "Maybe I will. Meet you at the bar, dickwad, unless you're too chicken for a drinking contest!"

"Oh no!" Jean jabbed a finger into Eren's chest, not quite pushing him back, but still hard enough to sting. "I'm not going to get pulled into your stupid antics again. I have nothing to prove!" He crossed his arms, turning his head to glare at the wall to the right of them. Eren understood now though, understood these stupid little repeating patterns. Because Jean still hadn't walked away. Probably never would.

"You won't stay even if I pay for the first round of drinks?" Eren blinked his eyes, pleading, even if Jean looked elsewhere. He knew his voice dripped with honey, so when Jean tilted his head, hazel eyes meeting his, he knew he won.

"Well…" Jean sounded the word out, still half faced away. "We'll have to see about that." And then they were stalking back to the bar, both too keyed up to ever dream of losing, too keyed up to care if they did. After all, how could _anyone_ lose in this situation?

Eren held true to his word. From the very first drink, he'd already won and they both knew it. Over the course of an hour, it only got more clear. "How are you still standing?!" Jean groaned, his face cradled in the crook of one arm. Eren grinned back despite the roar of blood pulsing behind his ears.

"Actually, I'm sitting. And you're a lightweight," Eren crowed, not censoring the faint slur to his words. It was nothing compared to Jean's glassy eyed stare as he swayed, finally took the last swig of his drink, then dropped his forehead to the bar.

"Hey, hey...it won't be good if you pass out here. Just accept that you lost already..." Feeling hesitant, Eren dropped a hand onto Jean's shoulder. When he didn't react, he rubbed his hand down the other man's back, feeling out the knots of tension. It turned out that after a few beers, the guy loosened up. They liked similar rock bands and used to smoke the same cigarettes, but Eren quit years ago and Jean still struggled with the habit. Said the reason he quit stopped working. Which made Eren nod, because he understood. It was hard. In truth, they shared a lot in common and they could agree just as passionately as they could disagree.

"Eren…I-" But Jean shook his head and stopped just as suddenly as he started. His glassy eyes looked so open and honest though that Eren swore a different person crawled out of his skin when he started drinking. It left warmth pooling in Eren's chest.

"Look at you, swaying like that. You can't even form a sentence." Despite his tease, a soft smile crossed over Eren's face. Damn, he was falling fast like an idiot. He wouldn't even get sex tonight since Jean didn't look like he could find his dick in his pants, let alone use it. But hell if Eren cared. He only felt himself grow warmer. "I should call you a car."

Wordlessly, Jean nodded his head against the bar's surface. That openness stayed on his face as he watched Eren, even when his eyes seemed to go somewhere else. Eren settled their tabs and five minutes later, he half dragged Jean outside. The car already called, he dropped down to the curb, the other man slumped against his side. "Should be ten or fifteen minutes. Sober up a bit or you won't be able to get home even with a ride."

Letting out a faint groan, Jean nodded his head against Eren's shoulder. "'M tryin' kay." A second later, Jean slipped down to rest his head in Eren's lap. Nothing short of adoration shone in his eyes while Eren hovered there, shocked and clueless. Jean made himself comfortable like he'd done this a million times before, snuggling for warmth or love or something Eren couldn't even guess at. It felt far too nice. Eren couldn't help but drop a hand into the short strands of Jean's hair. It looked more ashen in the starlight, like silver on top of black instead of gold and bronze. For minutes, they sat in silence like that until Eren's hand moved down to Jean's neck and he let out a hum deep in his throat.

"Yer always so nice to me. _Marco_ …" The sigh that left Jean's lips lifted all his tension away, melting his muscles into goo.

Eren's heart slammed in his chest at the sound of it. His fingers froze, still barely touching the cool skin at Jean's hairline as the other man muttered an unfamiliar name. Oh… _oh._ The truth hit Eren so hard it actually awed him. From the reluctance of their first dance to the wild, lost energy of his hips, to the fucking wide, hazy eyes that looked _through,_ not at him. Oh, it was so clear now. Jean liked someone enough to call out their name in a drunken state. And Eren fucked it all up.

Jean's eyes blinked into focus just as Eren squeezed his own shut. Before he could react though, a standard, black car rolled to a stop in front of them. Despite the mechanized grace, it caused both men to jump, Jean's eyes going wide with realization. Because of the name he called out or the position they lay in? Staggering on the smooth black pavement, Jean gave the impression he didn't even know he'd walked outside, let alone what happened since.

"Hey, your ride is here. Will you be okay?" Eren managed to ask, though his lips pulled into a tight line. He couldn't meet Jean's eyes, but he wasn't such a dickwad that he'd storm away and leave a drunk person without seeing them into a cab. Especially when a small, snarky voice that sounded distressingly like Armin said he caused this. Yeah, he could admit to that.

"S-sorry," Jean croaked, then stuffed himself into the car like he couldn't get away fast enough. Like he realized his happy, warm spot of sunshine consisted of a complete stranger's lap. Oh god. Eren bowed over, watching as the car drove away and the night's cool air settled around him. Why did he notice it now of all times? Fighting off the shivers, he stalked back to the club, hellbent on finding someone sober enough to drive him home. All his will to party vanished with that car and god, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Why did it turn so cold _now_?

The flash of soft hazel eyes covered his vision for a second, haunting Eren, but also thrilling him. He knew even before the club's door slid closed behind him that he couldn't leave Jean alone, even if he should. No, at the very least, he needed to know what caused that beautiful look of adoration. And if he could help it, the next time Jean's eyes shone like that, he would be the cause. If nothing else, Eren would get the satisfaction of the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

The scream of music created a lull in Eren's ears. Watching, always watching, his eyes scanned the crowd as he walked into Club Zsomnia. Two weeks passed since Eren first met Jean under the throbbing lights. They'd run into each other three times, falling into an easy routine of drinking and dancing, which started out heavier on the drinking together, but ended heavier on the dancing, though never once delved into the questions Eren _really_ wanted to ask. Even he knew that showing up at the club whenever he could, just to see one guy sounded ridiculous. He should focus on his hair salon or buying a new set of design tools, but here he was instead. And surprisingly enough, he met Jean almost every time he came. Did that guy also come in order to meet Eren?

Tonight, he saw Jean at the bar, already nursing a beer, rather than out on the floor. Eren made a beeline for him and dropped into a stool, a giant grin splitting his face. "Jean! How come every time I come here you always look half way to drunk?" he called out in greeting with a clap to the other man's back. Jean winced, but shot back a grin in challenge.

"Eren. How come every time you come here, you look like a twelve year old going drinking for the first time?" Never mind that Eren always held his liquor better and that despite his wide eyes, he had a strapped torso that rippled with muscles every time he danced, whether with Jean or another stranger as he watched. And Jean always watched; couldn't help it.

Eren's eyes dropped down, an eyebrow quirked as he inspected himself, seeming to guess where Jean's thoughts traveled. He definitely didn't look like a twelve year old in that department and Jean knew it. Leveling a cocky grin at him, Eren ordered a drink before returning his attention back to the other man's captivating face. "At least I don't look like a horse."

"What?!" Red rushed all the way up Jean's ears before getting lost in the darker strands of his hair. He must have run his hands through it earlier because the short strands looked out of place and Eren wanted to run his hands through it to smooth them back, and not just because he did things like that for a living. "What the hell about me looks like a horse!?"

Humming low in his throat, Eren flicked his gaze over the other man's face. "Well, it's a bit long and your nose kinda does this thing that reminds me of a horse," Eren indicated with hand gestures. "So yeah, your face is basically a horse's." Except, it looked amazing like that and Eren wished Jean would grow his hair a little longer to frame his ears and the sharp cut of his eyes. As Eren inspected the other man's face, a thrill of intrigue ran through him. A flush had raced across Jean's cheekbones, turning it a pretty dark rose in the dim lights. _Nice._

"Don't mess with me, dip shit! M-my face is gorgeous and nothing like a horse's!" Jean shouted back, not caring when they drew multiple eyes. It had become a regular occurrence, though it would suck if club security threw them out for starting a brawl. Sometimes it felt like they would, but just when the tension rose, Eren would always throw back his head and laugh, tears gathering at the edges of his eyes from the sheer force of it.

"Only someone as cocky as you would call yourself gorgeous," he guffawed. Reaching forward, he took a drink of Jean's beer even though his own drink arrived a second later. "But seriously, you'll turn into an alcoholic if you keep drinking like this."

Jean snatched his drink away, grip tight and his eyes sharp on the bar's shined surface instead of Eren's face. "Like you're one to talk."

Eren laughed back at that, accepting the words. Really, he knew best that he was being dishonest here, but he couldn't care less. The more time he spent around the mystery that was Jean, the more he wanted him. And it did help that he never once heard the name _'Marco'_ again. As much as he wanted to know who the name referred to, a part of him cheered to think it might never come up again. He could have Jean all to himself. If…if he could actually get Jean.

After minutes, or some amount of time that Eren wasn't paying attention to, Jean shifted nervously. "You've been staring way too long. What gives?"

What gave? Did Jean seriously not know why he stared with such heated eyes? All of a sudden, Eren decided that he couldn't stand the bitten back words any longer. He wouldn't hide what he felt about this guy he didn't even know the last name of. Damn it all to hell if there was another lover out there. He couldn't believe that Jean didn't feel this rising tension too, didn't want more than the close heat that dancing spawned between their bodies. He felt it. He wanted this right?

A faint smile playing along his lips, Eren leaned closer so that their breaths could mingle in the hot air. "I want to kiss you, Jean." The way he said the other man's name sounded like a plea and he knew it, used it. "Can I?"

Jean choked for a second, his eyes widened, but he never once looked away. The veil of hesitation snapped away in the span of a second; Jean made his decision, or maybe he made it a long time ago and only now decided to act. His hand came up to cup the side of Eren's face as he leaned the last of the distance between them. Eren's lips hit Jean's with untempered passion. He instantly licked along the other man's lips, asked entrance, and gained it. Their tongues moved together in a wild dance, neither trying to gain the upper hand. They didn't need to since the second Eren started the kiss, Jean answered it back with equal passion and abandon. His hand shifted from Eren's cheek, to his hair. The sharp pain of a yank finally broke their kiss, Eren pulling away only enough to pant against Jean's lips.

"I want you. I know you feel the same. Jean I…" he gasped, not even sure why these words kept bubbling out of him. God, he sounded like such an idiot. Jean moaned back though as he slipped off his stool to crowd closer, nearly into Eren's lap.

"Yes!" His single cry cut off any other thought that Eren tried to get out of his mouth. "I want you too. Now, before I…don't let me take this back. Take me home with you, Eren!" Jean shook on his legs for one second before Eren surged forward and grabbed his hand. There was so much strength in his grip that he feared his might break Jean's hand, but the other man just looked back at him with equal fierceness. He could probably drown in those eyes if he let himself.

Thirty minutes later, Eren shoved Jean through the entrance to his bedroom, not caring about the dirty laundry strewn over the floor. After a brief break from their kiss, Eren tossed aside his own graphic tee to add to the mess. Jean let out a faint sound, eyes raking down Eren's torso with a neediness that matched his eyes. All the way out of the club and the drive that was taken at far too great of a speed, the two men could hardly keep their hands off of each other. It felt like as soon as the dam broke, an entire river came rushing through. Eren _needed_ Jean. He needed to push his hands against the stoic-looking, but thin shoulders, taste the sweat off his stomach, and trace the line of his spine while Jean moaned beneath him. He needed…

"Eren!" The insistent plea dragged Eren back out of his thoughts. Jean hooked a foot behind the stockier man's calf and propelled them together onto the bed. They landed in a heap, Eren not quite on top of Jean, looking dazed. He recovered in a second's time though and pushed himself up to properly take in the sight. That need still _burned_ in Jean's eyes, spurring him on. He found his hands moving before he could stop himself, sliding under the edge of Jean's shirt to feel the line of hard muscles there.

"Picture gotten." His voice a low murmur, Eren let himself get lost in the feel of the other man's skin, but only for a second. Dragging his attention away, he met Jean's gaze. "So, how do you want to do this? Not sure if you have preferences about this kind of thing." Eren's own preferences tended to swing based on the situation, and really, he'd be happy to do anything with Jean at this point. The guy looked too damn hot with his ears and neck flushed, mouth open just slightly in a pant. Unable to help himself, he pressed a kiss to those lips before pulling back to tease his lower lip, not letting Jean get out a response.

When hands tangled in Eren's hair, he finally pulled away so Jean could gasp. "Don't care! You can…fuck me if you want!" He managed. The words sounded desperate and heated in the room and they gained an immediate response from Eren. He threw one leg over Jean in order to straddle him as a sound that could only be called a growl ripped itself from his throat.

"I _definitely_ want to fuck you, Jean. You better be prepared!"

Jean turned his head to the side, but his answering moan spoke only of agreement. "I am!" Wrapping one leg around Eren's waist, he pulled the man closer so he could plant another heated kiss on his lips. This time, he got the upper hand and kept it until Eren shoved him back into the pillows. The hands that had wandered under his shirt before now shoved their way up with a rage that Jean thought would send the buttons flying for sure. Instead, the material just crinkled, straining against the position it had been forced into.

"Damn. Why do you have to wear all these buttons?!" Eren growled, realizing he couldn't pull the shirt off without ripping it or undoing each of the buttons. He fumbled, desperate to undo them quickly because he already liked what he saw.

Despite his rapid breath, Jean managed a shaky, but still cocky grin. "To make it harder for impatient guys like you. Jesus Christ, _Eren!"_ He grasped Eren's hands to still them before pushing them away so he could fumble open the buttons himself. When the white edges of his shirt lay open, he held his hands there, still playing with the fabric while one of Eren's hands splayed against his stomach.

"Don't get nervous now…" The soft whisper melted something inside of Jean so that when Eren pushed his hands aside, he let him. While muscles rolled down Jean's body, not an inch of fat to him, he looked sharp and lean in comparison to Eren. His collar bone cut a line that mirrored his hips, sticking out just slightly from his jeans. Eren bent down to lick one of Jean's nipples, enjoying the yelp of surprise he received. "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?"

Jean raked a hand down Eren's back, scratching him in retaliation. "Just get on with it already!" Another grunt. "Damn cliche idiot."

Sporting his own cocky grin now, Eren pulled back to do just that. He wrestled Jean all the way out of his shirt, tossing it toward a chair near the bed, not sure if it made its mark or not. That could be dealt with later. He had more important things to do now, like popping the button of Jean's pants. Eren pulled his cock out, watching the red color already pooling at the tip. He gave it a few pumps while Jean's face came even more undone. Oh yes, he could _definitely_ fuck this guy. Unable to wait any longer, Eren dragged Jean's pants and boxers away in one sweep to toss them in the opposite direction from his shirt. Now _this_ was a good view.

Jean shivered in the sudden exposure to the cool air, the fan above them creating a breeze that felt wonderful and painful on his skin at the same time. For one half second, he almost crossed his legs in embarrassment, but Eren rested a hand on his thigh and he found himself parting them instead, offering a better view. _Why?_ Because he wanted, no, needed this. His mind supplied the answer before he could even question it. Alcohol still buzzed in his brain, but even he knew better than to blame that for the way he grabbed Eren's hand, pulling it back to his cock so he could wrap those fingers around it again.

"Touch me." The two words hung in the air before they fell together again. The two of them licked and groped, touching and teasing like they hadn't touched another body in years. Eren was pumping Jean's cock in earnest now, leaving a mixture of bites and kisses down the other man's sides. Jean only twisted his body to offer up a better angle, especially when Eren bit down hard on the very edge of his right hipbone.

Jean still struggled for breath when he heard a drawer yank open, followed by the sound of rustling. He turned his head to watch Eren pull out a handful of condoms and a mostly empty bottle of lube. A second later, Eren cursed and kicked aside his own jeans and boxers, revealing his already very erect cock. Jean licked his lips slowly, said nothing when Eren squeezed lube onto his fingers.

"Ready?"

Humming in answer, Jean tensed before cool, wet fingers brushed against his entrance. Although light at first, the touch immediately intensified. Eren prodded a finger inside, moving slowly because the tight heat inside seemed hell-bent on pushing him back out. After managing to get two fingers inside with some extra lube, he pressed against the quivering muscles to see if he could somehow find more give. "Damn, you're tight…" Eren muttered against the inside of Jean's calf before pressing a kiss there.

Jean twisted underneath Eren, trying desperately to get used to the feeling of the other man's fingers inside of him. "I haven't done this in a while," he grunted back, then let out a cry as Eren moved higher to press kisses to the sensitive skin of his thigh. "God, I forgot how hard this is!"

"Oh." A while? If Eren didn't hear it himself, he'd half expect Jean to be a virgin. God, he didn't even know how he was supposed to shove his cock into such a tight space. And yet, heat pooled in his stomach as a thousand images flashed in his mind. The idea of a virgin Jean and his fingers prying a man like him open for the first time? Eren could dream of that forever. As he pressed a third finger inside, Jean threw back his head against the pillows, both eyes screwed shut so tight that he must have seen stars bursting everywhere. "Are you okay?"

After a second, Jean dragged in a shaky breath. "Y-yeah. Don't worry about it. Just…keep going, okay? I t-told you not to let me _think_!" His hands twisted in the sheets, retreated, then reached out to grasp one of Eren's. Jean stared right through the other man, his eyes nothing more than slits. "Keep going."

Brow furrowed in confusion, Eren hesitated for a second before he nodded. "Fine. But don't regret this later." Jean didn't answer and he knew it was on purpose, but he couldn't even guess what the man might be thinking. Maybe it didn't matter. Not right now anyway, when he had a gorgeous expanse of lean muscles stretched out and flushed pink beneath him. Eren shoved his fingers in deep, ignoring the way Jean cried out, his voice tinged with pain and passion. If he wanted to play that way, then this was just fine too.

Spending only a little while longer stretching out Jean's hole, Eren finally pulled out to fumble with a condom wrapper, pouring more lube on top for good measure. Even after all the preparation, Jean still looked so tight that Eren's cock wanted to burst just thinking about sliding inside. After a steadying breath, Eren rubbed himself against the other man's entrance. "Breathe." Then he was sliding inside, slow at first before landing himself all the way in with a single deep thrust.

"Eren!" Jean grasped at the sheets, his back arching off the bed as the cry ripped itself from his throat. He ground back, desperation clear in his eyes. Despite the almost painful tightness inside of him, Jean's cock leaked against his stomach, looking just as desperate as his eyes. Eren, entranced by the sight, flicked his thumb through the gathering precome, which earned another cry.

"J-Jean, you're so beautiful. Gonna fuck you. Gonna fuck you so good," Eren managed to stammer out. Hitching one of the other man's legs into the crook of his arm, he started to move. Slow and deliberate at first, each deep thrust buried him all the way inside the other man. It wasn't enough though. He found himself forcing Jean's legs even further apart so he could pound into the delicious coil of nerves that had the other man crying out in nothing but pleasure now. Jean managed to find a matching rhythm as he pushed back, one hand flying up to grasp hard in Eren's hair.

"Y-yes! Just like that!" Jean gasped, tugging harder so that Eren gasped, face flushed red and his eyes smoldering gems. All the nerve endings in his body felt ready to explode and he didn't even know a single person could do that to him.

Together, they continued to roll their bodies, words and praise torn from their lips but barely reaching ears. Eren thought he might go insane from the heat blossoming across his entire body, like their friction might actually cause the sheets to burst into flames. When Jean started to gasp his name, Eren lost all sense of rhythm, just holding the other man down so he could wreck his body, not minding even when nails dug deep into his shoulders. "Jean, Jean! I'm gonna come!"

An answering groan. Jean squeezed his eyes shut. A second later when Eren buried himself as deep as he could, Jean's body spasmed around him. "Fuck, Eren!" White cum splashed between them and watching the flutter of Jean's eyelids, his gaze going hazy with bliss, Eren felt his own orgasm coil inside of his stomach. It took only a couple more thrusts before he came with the other man's name on his lips. Stars bursting around him and blood roaring, he collapsed to the side, sliding out of Jean more from coincidence than will. The action received a groan, but the sound was lost on Eren's ears and the haze settling inside of him.

When he woke again, Jean wasn't by his side, but the sound of the shower in the connected bathroom cooled any rising panic. For a minute, Eren listened to it as he tried to calm the rapid beating of his heart, somehow still high even after this much time. Not that he was sure how much time did pass, since he hadn't even felt Jean get up. As he listened though, a strange sound filtered in past that of the running water. Eren strained his ears, not sure why his heart did an unsteady flip-flop even though his mind hadn't yet caught up with his ears.

Then a crash sounded, followed by a string of curses. "Fucking shit! Fuck, fuck! Why?!" The smack of flesh against the shower tiles sounded through the room. And there was that sound he'd heard, now echoed in every nuance of Jean's voice— _crying_. Not just little sniffly tears either. The raw, choked out sobs that made his curses hoarse sounded full of pain. Even the small, whimpering sounds that followed, almost lost to the gentle sound of water, spoke of nothing but distress.

A noise of answering pain pulled itself from Eren's throat before he could take stock of it. Numbly, though he was pretty sure he felt a lot of things right now, he swung his feet down to the floor. "Jean?" he called. His voice sounded hesitant though and he didn't know if it would be heard through the bathroom door, now shut and Eren suspected, locked. What the fuck? _What the fuck?_

"Go away!" The sharp words answered as soon as Eren rapped his knuckles against the white wood of the door. He hesitated, unable to stop the pain that continued to blossom in his chest. Which was really fucking stupid because he still barely knew Jean. Considered him just a friend and a crush and yet he thought they were beautiful after their one night together. Just what about it made Jean sound like Eren actually cut him in half?

"No way," Eren answered, the words surprisingly strong considering his messy feelings. Besides, this was his home. Where the fuck should he go? "Come out, Jean. Talk to me. Please?" The last word turned pleading as Eren rested his head against the door, eyes closing for a second until the sounds of the shower finally stopped. However, the angry thud of feet against the tiled floors spoke nothing of calmer storms. Eren barely had the chance to move out of the way before the bathroom door flung open and Jean barreled past him.

Already dressed in his jeans and partially buttoned shirt, the man looked ready to storm right out the room without a word. He'd even put his socks on already so Eren wouldn't have a chance to stop him, corner him while he tried to dress. Eren tried anyway. As Jean shoved past, he grabbed the man's wrist, yanking him around so he could look him in the eye. The sight that met him left Eren's heart dropping right back into his stomach.

Jaw clenched so tight it must hurt, Jean's face looked steeled for a war, so hard and sharp and closed off. His eyes though, they shone with every emotion that he tried to keep off of his face. Bright red from crying and rubbed until they looked puffed. Even though Eren expect it, he still reeled back from the pure intensity showing in those eyes. Anger rolled off of his tensed shoulders, hurt bright in the red color of his eyes, and fear, and hope, then a passion that returned for half a second before pure, unadulterated guilt shone in those eyes.

"Let me go." Spoken softly, the words didn't match Jean's earlier tone. Without thinking, Eren did as asked. He let his hand slip from Jean's arm and watched as he spun away, snatching up his boots before slamming past the bedroom door. Eren watched and didn't move a muscle to stop it. How could he? Not when it looked like he ripped Jean's heart out and threw it onto the floor. Again, that whispered name from two weeks before echoed in his head.

_Marco._


	3. Chapter 3

"Eren! If you pace this room one more time, you're going to wear your way through the floor!" The sharp words left Eren snapping around to meet Armin's worried, but stern gaze. Although he called the other man over, he hadn't been able to say much of anything, so he stopped, running a hand through his hair in a sheepish gesture.

"Ah, sorry. I know I'm acting a bit weird right now."

Armin snorted. "Really? I hadn't guessed, even though you're weird most all the time." The quip relaxed Eren, despite the harshness, letting him throw back a cocky grin and a quip of his own.

"That's playing unfair! I'm having an emotional crisis here, alright!" Whining, Eren threw himself face first into his pillows as Armin shifted to avoid the near-kick. Despite his dramatics, he found himself relaxing after last night's disaster. It only proved how much he needed his best friend. As soon as he woke in the late morning, desperate feelings trying to claw their way out of his chest, he'd called. Now, nearly five in the evening, he got the chance to let them out…if only they would come as easy as he planned.

Armin patted his leg, smoothing it back against the sheets. "Are you going to tell me what this is about?" His gentle sigh filled the air as Eren crushed his pillow, hiding the blush spreading down his neck. Even though he changed the sheets, he could almost smell the other man there, waiting just under the blue cotton threads to be pulled out again. Eren suppressed a giddy laugh, knowing how absurd he sounded. He _sounded_ like an idiot. Armin would agree too, so he kept the thought to himself and instead tried to reason out a calm explanation.

"Well…it's about Jean."

Humming, Armin offered his full attention, although he didn't look the least bit surprised. "I have to admit that I guessed as much. So, what happened?" He held his breath, expectant. However, Eren's words left him expelling them again in shock.

"Fuck, Armin! He stormed out after we had sex. I…I think he's in love with someone else and I don't know. It's like he's passionately flinging himself at me one second and then running away the next. I have no idea what to think, but he was _crying_. Like, fucking crying his eyes out in the shower while I lay all blissful in bed. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I should give up, right?" Eren pulled himself up to sit cross-legged, eyes boring right through Armin with an intensity he hadn't seen in a long time. "But for some reason, all I can think about is him!"

"Oh Eren…" Armin sighed, reaching out to grasp the other man's thigh, holding on in silent comfort. "I'm not sure I can tell you what to do. I haven't even met Jean so I don't know…" He trailed off again, knowing his words wouldn't help, but he didn't know what else to say. It sounded like a mess. It sounded like a whole lot of mess he knew nothing about.

Eren groaned, rubbing both hands over his face. "I know. Sorry, it's just…" He shook his head before continuing. "I thought everything was going well. I guess I kidded myself since I knew from the start that the doey eyed look he gave was for someone else. But I never thought it would end like this."

"So you think this is over? Since he likes someone else, you're going to give up?" He didn't offer the words in challenge or contempt. Instead, Armin raised the point in simple question. Whatever the answer, it was something Eren needed to come to by himself.

Not that Armin had to wait long. Eren's head snapped up, eyes blazing with passion before Armin even finished speaking. "No! Absolutely not!" he exclaimed, leaving both of them blinking in shock. Neither expected such intensity, but Eren didn't let that overtake him. He steadied himself and repeated the words with confidence. "I don't want to give up. At least, not until I know the full story. If I'm going to step away from someone I can actually _feel_ the ninety-six percent compatibility with—because it's there—I need to damn well know why first."

As soon as he said the words, Eren knew he could do nothing else. Maybe Jean wouldn't like it and maybe he wouldn't want to see Eren's face right now, but after last night, they both deserved the truth.

Armin breathed out, the sound soft after Eren's fierceness. However, a faint smile quirked his lips. "Alright. Then you should do that."

Eren nodded back. "Yeah. Okay. I will." And just like that, everything fell back into place. It was just a start, but it gave Eren direction and right now, that direction meant everything. That direction meant hope.

The two of them spent the rest of the evening chatting about trivial things. It reminded Eren of why he cared so much for the smaller blonde. He could feel that care in the way they draped themselves over each other, or how a single look spoke more than words. They communicated that way their entire lives. Eren couldn't even remember when it started—maybe the day Armin crawled into his bed thirteen years ago, too cold and afraid to sleep by himself. And honestly, Eren felt the same way, still remembering all too clearly what it felt like to sleep one bedroom away from his parents instead of with a dozen children who had no relation to each other. Though, a few of them gained that family anyway.

When night came, the two of them fell into a haphazard mess on the bed, content to sleep together like the old days. Eren's mind buzzed with plans for the next day, but with the smaller body of his friend pressed against his back, his anxiety eased enough to sleep. Armin's presence reminded him that at least one person thought he could make everything better, if given the chance, instead of tearing it all to shreds. Yes, Eren could make this better.

xXx

That attitude lasted exactly one week. One week before Eren felt like he might explode, or wither, or _something_. Of course he knew that cornering Jean would require effort, but he did think he could do it. After a week of trying to track the man down and getting nothing though, he found himself forgetting about concern and nerves. Jean, was pissing him off. Couldn't that guy just fucking show his face once so Eren could slam him back against a wall and demand, " _Why?!"_

One explanation, just one word would be enough. However, by Sunday, Eren didn't think he would get even that. He'd staked out every club in the city and still couldn't find Jean anywhere. It left him exhausted, wondering why he missed sleep over such a stupid thing. At least if he hacked the iConnect's database like on his first instinct, it would be over with one way or another. But this? This just sucked.

Eren leaned against the wall outside of club Zsomnia, puffing on an E-cigarette like his life depended on it. The smoke mingled with the night's haze, almost obscuring the light as the door swung open. Someone stepped out and Eren lifted his gaze, then froze, the little electronic device poised halfway to his lips.

"Oh, it's you. I was wondering who propped the door open. I figured it was some vagrant, but I guess that's not too off, huh?" Bertolt chuckled, like he didn't have a care in the world.

That got Eren snapping into action. He shoved back from the wall so he could throw the full brunt of his glare at the other man as the door bounced closed behind him. Bertolt's face wasn't exactly the one he wanted to see, but it would do in a pinch, even if right now, the sun-bright grin he wore tore at the frazzled edges of Eren's nerves.

"Just who I didn't want to see!" Eren snapped back, pleased when the grin flickered, then dropped from Bertolt's face. The guy probably meant no harm. Probably was a nice guy in truth, but that didn't mean Eren could get over their first interaction. However, he could use this situation to his advantage. Stepping forward, Eren bounded up the two steps to the back door so he could lean his hip against the rail. He tried not to look desperate, but he wanted to block off the exit in case the other man decided to turn back inside.

"But if you're here, does that mean Jean's around too?"

Bertolt gave him a quizzical little stare. They interacted a few times since that first night so he had to know Eren hung around for longer than just a dance. Or did the way Eren stumbled over his words while trying to sound nonchalant throw Bertolt off? Eren never acted like he'd die without seeing Jean, even if he came to the club for that reason alone.

"No…he hasn't come around lately. I invited him, but he said something about too much schoolwork or lack of sleep. The excuse kind of sounded like five different things at once," Bertolt admitted, his eyes watching Eren with a piercing look. Did he think he could see all the way into Eren's soul like that?

In an instant, Eren's look of hope fell, his shoulders slumping against the cold metal of the rail. So it was like that huh? Eren expected it, but now he knew without a doubt that Jean avoided him. "Damn. I came here for nothing then." The quiet words echoed through the dark alley. They didn't sound like they should have come from Eren.

"You're looking for him?" A stupid question. Bertolt didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "I wasn't sure if you were just messing around or messing with him at first, but I guess you really like Jean, huh?" Bertolt shook his head, as if trying to get used to the idea. However, it didn't help that his eyes looked pained. "Sorry, man."

Eren's gaze sharpened as he stepped closer, completely blocking off the exit and forcing eye contact. "You know something about it, don't you? You're his friend. Tell me where I can find, Jean!" The words snapped in the air as Eren clenched his fists, ready to get what he wanted. God, this was dumb though. He hadn't gotten so angry over unexplained things since he was like, ten. Okay, maybe fifteen, but those assholes deserved it.

Bertolt's eyes jumped across Eren's face, his superior height obvious now that they stood so close. Not that Eren hadn't noticed it before, but damn was Bertolt tall. "Um. I think you're grossly overestimating our relationship by calling us friends." The words left a sinking feeling in Eren's gut, but Bertolt didn't let him dwell. Whatever he looked for, he must have found because he flashed a faint smile. "But I'll tell you where to find him. Maybe…maybe you'll have better luck than I did. After all, he never got so close that he had to push me away…"

The words hung strangely in the night air. Eren didn't know what to do with them, or Bertolt, or anything really. He just knew that after all of this, he would get to see Jean, which mattered a whole lot more than whatever Bertolt got to know first.

After receiving the classroom number where Jean TA'ed every Monday and Wednesday morning, he felt a little bit of hope rekindle inside him. Maybe he didn't know shit about Jean or what was going on with him, but come Monday morning, he would finally get his answers. And once he had those, they could find a way to move on from there.

xXx

The September sun beat down with a force that didn't match the cool autumn that had wrapped itself around the city. It left Eren sweaty and reminiscing none too fondly about summer heatwaves and wildfires caused by drought. Nature had no right to throw a day like this at them when they deserved a break and some rain. It would have left Eren turning back any other day, but today, he just walked faster. The quicker he could get out of this heat, the better.

Eren reached the campus mid-morning, fifteen minutes before Jean's class would end. He figured talking afterward would give him more time, though he operated entirely on assumptions right now. Bertolt knew shit about Jean's schedule, so maybe Jean wouldn't have time at all. He didn't even know what subject the guy studied, couldn't picture anything either, since all of Eren's reference points for Jean involved drinking or barely contained sexual frustration. Or not contained. The image of Jean naked and writhing on his bed flashed in Eren's mind so that he had to abort before he got an erection in the middle of a _school._ That might be an all new low if his mind kept it up. He hurried his steps, knowing the only solution to his mania was Jean. The sooner he found the other man, the better.

After wandering the campus for ten minutes, he found the room—number 305. He stared hard at the closed door, listening to the murmur of voices on the other side. Eren had to resist pressing his face to the window, but if someone noticed him, he didn't know what he would say. Like, _'Hey, it's okay. I'm just here stalking the guy I slept with last week because I kinda want to date his ass even if he won't give me the time of day.'_ Somehow, Eren didn't think that would go over well.

The sound of rustling and voices snapped Eren's attention back to the door just as it swung open. Students spilled out, leaving Eren side-stepping quick to avoid their barreling path. Not that they paid him much attention. He never bothered with further schooling himself, besides his vocational classes, but he supposed he didn't look that out of place on a college campus. A little lost, but not out of place.

The students kept passing by until Jean emerged toward the end of the stream, head turned over his shoulder in conversation. Eren refused to wait, though, stepping into the flow of traffic.

"Hey."

The man's head whipped around, his eyes flying wide when they landed on Eren's face. Right there on the other side of the classroom door, he froze, mouth hung open in a silent cry. Eren steeled himself in response. "Jean, I need to talk to you."

"Why are you here?" Jean hissed back, not caring when heads turned their way. Not that the other students really seemed to care. Even the professor gave them no more than a strange look as he patted Jean's shoulder and said that he'd see him next week. It took just a few more seconds for the hall to empty around them.

"I told you why," Eren muttered. "I know you've been avoiding me after we…" Swallowing hard, he had to force himself to continue. "You know. But I don't think it's right to leave things like this. I need to know what went wrong so I can fix it. Okay? Just talk to me already!"

A spark jumped through Jean's eyes, lighting them with anger. "I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing I need to say to you! I'm not…it's…it's got nothing to do with you, okay? Just back off! Things will be a lot easier if I don't see you!"

"Excuse me?" Eren couldn't stop his rising anger, even though he tried to hold it back. It didn't matter that he didn't come here to fight. When Jean tried to shove past him, shoulder slamming into his own, he spun and yanked the other man back by the arm. "No you don't!" Eren snapped, clenching Jean's arm so tight he could feel the bone. "You don't get to walk away from me right now. This isn't fair and you know it. You're just scared!" He watched Jean suck in a breath, his eyes darting away.

Pausing, Eren lowered his voice because he thought if he yelled one more time, Jean might punch him square in the jaw. He could take it, but he didn't want to lose this chance either. _Don't run. You can't run away right now._ Eren pulled in a steadying breath. "…Is this about Marco?" The name sounded strange on his tongue, but the second he uttered it, a shudder went through the other man's body. Those hazel eyes returned to his, Jean looking very much like he might dissolve into the floor and be _happy_ there. Be happy as a puddle instead of a human being.

"H-how do you know abou-?" But Jean didn't finish the question, seeming to accept that he'd slipped up, said something at some point to reveal Marco's name. Like this really wasn't as surprising as it should have been. Jean's eyes dropped back to the floor. For a minute, Eren thought he wouldn't say anything more. He hadn't let go of Jean's arm, but it felt leaden in his grip as Jean opened and closed his mouth before finally forcing out a shrill gasp.

"Marco w-was my boyfriend! He died…last November in a motor accident. M-mechanical error, or something like that…" Jean trailed off, voice shaking, his shoulders bunched up high. Oh. Eren dropped his arm, watching Jean wrap it around himself the second his limb was free. The chill that hit Eren when Jean confirmed his suspicions turned into ice inside of Eren's lungs and throat as he continued. _Died._ Oh fuck, and Eren brought this up without any reverence at all.

"I'm sorry…" His hoarse whisper sounded pathetic in the empty halls. Eren felt thankful for that at least. No prying ears. No one to see Jean shake as he leaned back against the wall, eyes squeezed shut against his memories. After a second though, Jean breathed in deep and shook his head just the slightest bit.

"Don't apologize. This is my own problem and I didn't mean to drag you into it," Jean muttered, his lips quirked up in a crooked smile. It didn't make him look the least bit happier, but rather a little sad. "It's just…I'm so tired of not being okay. Every day it gets a little better and I think I'm ready to move on. When the night falls though, I keep looking for his face. I don't know how to stop. I've never-" He choked on his words, letting Eren lay a hand on his shoulder, smoothing up and down until he could gain his breath again. "I've never been with someone while not trying to drown out his memory or pretend it's Marco holding me. Not until you! I wanted to be with you, Eren, and I'm not sure I can handle that!"

Sucking in his breath, Eren held it for ten seconds, twenty, until his head started to get fuzzy and he let it out again. "Oh." No other great words came to him at first. What was there to say? He fucked Jean up because Jean started to like him? That's why he looked so angry and hurt and fucking guilty, like he cheated on his boyfriend? Except his boyfriend died and it was just the two of them now and no one cheated on anyone. That didn't mean it didn't feel that way to Jean though.

Eren moved his other hand to Jean's arm, holding him carefully as he dropped his head against the taller man's shoulder. "I wish you'd told me from the start. Maybe then…maybe I would have treaded more carefully. We wouldn't be standing here like this. If you don't want to be in a relationship right now, that's fine, okay. We can go back to dancing or getting drunk together, or whatever you want." It sounded desperate and Eren knew it. He wanted more with Jean, even after hearing the truth. He thought he could be the one to protect this man and soothe his wounds, but perhaps, even with their perfect compatibility, it wasn't meant to be.

Jean's hands flew out to land on Eren's hips, holding him there. Although Eren kept his face hidden, he could feel the other man shake his head so hard that their bodies quaked a little. "No!" he croaked out, fingers digging a little harder into Eren's skin. "I don't want that. I let myself go home with you for a reason, so I'll see this thing through. I just…I need a little more time…"

Shifting, Jean forced Eren's head to slip off his shoulder so they could look eye to eye again. Eren still couldn't figure out how to breathe right, but he met Jean's gaze, staring long and hard before he nodded. "Okay. That's fine. Take all the time you need, Jean. I'm not going to hold it against you."

Jean's lips quirked into a smile again, some of his tension bleeding away. "I know. That's part of why I decided it could be you." He dropped his gaze a second later, looking more awkward than defeated. A faint flush rose against his pale cheeks as he shifted on his feet again, antsy, but still caged in place.

Realizing it, Eren stepped back to give Jean his space once again. "Thanks?" He managed with a hard swallow. He honestly had no idea what to say, but the admission made him want to push Jean back against the wall and kiss him hard. He knew better though, knew that he couldn't cross that line yet. Jean needed time. Right, time. He could give that, couldn't he?

Dragging a hand through his hair, Eren bit back a sheepish laugh. "I've probably bothered you enough for one day. If you're okay, I should head back and give you your space. I've got my own stuff to think about anyway, so you going to be okay if I head back?" Eren shoved his hands deeper into his hair, eyeing Jean with skepticism. His emotional crisis looked over, but Eren wanted to hear that from Jean's own mouth.

"Y-yeah. I'm okay now," Jean answered, his voice still shaky, but calmer. Another breath and he pulled his shoulders straight, much like the figure Eren remembered from the club, waltzing alone to his own tempo. Maybe he wasn't really okay, but Eren felt like he could leave the other man alone at least, especially when he smiled again. "And Eren, I will be ready at some point. You hear me, okay? Just wait for me."

Eren breathed in deep, then smiled. "I will." With those words lingering between them, he turned to escape down the hall, trying hard not to think about the man he left standing alone, lost in his own mind. Even if he never considered himself a patient person, he would wait for _that_ until the angels came marching down from heaven and dragged him away.

_What the hell kind of image is that, Eren? You really think you'll go to heaven? Get a grip. If anyone is going to hell, it's you._ But damn. He let the thoughts wash over him without any resistance. It would be a beautiful hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't planning to get this chapter out so fast, but you can blame the coworker who handed me a Monster at 8pm after I already had two shots of espresso. XD Looks like I had time to edit after all~


	4. Chapter 4

Eren never thought he would say such a thing, but he was _bored_. Each day passed with an excruciating level of routine that he almost wanted to laugh at himself. Work, sleep, and hours spent on the couch—any other time, he would give up this game of patience, find himself a new hobby. A new lover. But then, stubbornness ran in his blood and bones, made him wait until the days bled into weeks. He lost count of how many. Two? Four? Everything blurred together in Jean's wake. After so much time spent chasing shadows through Club Zsomnia's flashing lights, he found a hole in his life and nothing around to fill it. He stopped going to the club after the first couple days. Why wouldn't he? Jean said to give him space and he didn't have any other reason to go clubbing. Eren didn't want to dance with strangers or get drunk. He wanted Jean.

Still, it felt strange after spending so much time there and it left the evenings dragging with an almost impossible slow tick of the time. He heard that manual clocks once dominated the shelves and walls of people's foyers, but he'd only ever seen the intriguing devices at the mom and pop store toward the entertainment district where antiques crowded every shelf. Sometimes, Eren's life felt like one of those shelves, especially when Armin chided him on being stubborn about half the technology he could be knee deep in now. For heaven's sake, he still used an ancient ceiling fan that creaked every half spin.

As he locked the salon's doors after his last client left, preening at her new teal and blonde bob cut, he stared up at the evening sky. There were so many strange things about this world, most of which he couldn't even begin to understand. So many things remained the same as decades ago, but pulling the little palm sized disk of the iConnect from his pocket, he could admit that what technology had advanced, did so at a wild rate. It was funny how paper books and factory made clothes could still circulate in common circles, but a single device could connect an entire person's life and needs into a tiny piece of plastic and coils. Or whatever was inside the damned thing. He didn't exactly study these things like Armin.

Reading through updates on shopper specials and sexual chemistry blogs, Eren made the walk home. It cooled his head more than calling a car, but by the time he reached his apartment and climbed the two flights of stairs, he felt relieved to fling himself onto his well-worn couch.

Minutes ticked by, announced by the iConnect's blue digital time code every time he pressed the update button. The numbers weren't going by all that fast either. He supposed he should get up and make dinner, but it wasn't until a knock sounded on his door that Eren moved even an iota from his sprawled out position.

At the knock, Eren rolled onto the floor with a cry, shooting up a second later. 7:56 in the evening. Who the fuck would come calling on him now? If Armin or his sister showed up just to pry more details out of his infinitely messed up love life, then they could go shove a few. "Coming! Just hold on a second, damn it!" He snapped when the knocking repeated itself. Eren flung open the door, then froze in complete shock.

Jean stood on the other side, an olive-colored, plaid shirt left partly unbuttoned over a white tank top, a bag of what appeared to be beer in his hand. "Uh…hey," he said awkwardly, dragging a hand through the short blonde locks of his hair before dropping the hand again. "I hope you're not busy tonight…"

Eren swallowed hard, still not considering that he should, like, fling open the door and invite his guest inside. Jean must have sensed that since he shifted again, moving the bag to his other hand even while trying to plaster a smile on his face. "Jean. I didn't er…expect you." The words hesitant, Eren wanted to laugh at the way they dropped quieter at the end, almost vanishing into the sound of the city blaring somewhere in the distance. He didn't exactly live far from all the bars and clubs after all.

Jean shrugged one shoulder, not quite meeting Eren's eye, but he at least lifted his gaze from the door stoop. "Yeah. I wasn't sure I would come either, but…I wanted to make sure you knew this wasn't a push you away forever kind of thing. So I thought we could drink and talk." He lifted up the bag he carried, smile quirking up the left side of his lips. "That is, if you're okay with having me over after all that's happened."

"It's not like that!" Eren rushed, grasping Jean's hand before he could stop himself. Though the other man flinched in surprise, he didn't pull back. Eren squeezed once, then let Jean go so he could throw open the door with a big, goofy grin on his face. "I'm really glad to have you over!" He ushered Jean inside so they could crowd into the small kitchen, fumbling through drawers for a bottle opener. When Eren found it and they collected their beers, the two of them fell into the barstools at the kitchen island, drinking and chatting like they'd done all the times before at Club Zsomnia.

"This beer is real shitty, ya know," Eren snorted as he took another large swig.

Jean laughed, though the sound wasn't quite relaxed yet. He still sounded just the slightest bit brittle around the edges. "It is." Taking another drink himself, he grimaced slightly. "I'm actually not that fond of beer, but there's nothing that I like better either."

Eren laughed at that, his head thrown back so that strands of dark hair slid back off his forehead and onto his neck. "That's probably true. I can do mixed drinks if it's not too fruity and I like whiskey, but nothing beats the ease of beer. This stuff is just pure shit." Not that he really minded. The bottle felt comfortable in his hand and the atmosphere between them familiar. He could deal with familiar.

Shaking his head, Jean hesitated a second before setting his bottle down so he could run his finger along the lip with a distant look in his eyes. "Marco liked those high class girly drinks like appletinis and cosmos, or whatever. He laughed whenever I would try his drink and nearly spit it out again. But he only drank beer when he was with me…"

Eren shifted his gaze, suddenly uncomfortable under the change in topic. None of the hysteria from their last conversation showed on Jean's face though. Instead, a fond smile danced across his lips, and though pain shadowed his eyes, it didn't take over. The shadows only accented the beauty that the incandescent lights cast him in. Eren licked suddenly dry lips. "Yeah?" He hesitated a second, but decided that if Jean was willing to talk about this, then so was he. "Would…could you tell me more about him? Marco?"

Jean hummed, not surprised by the question. He dropped his hand back to the counter's surface before reaching into his back pocket to pull out his iConnect. "I don't mind. Maybe it will help get some of this off my chest. I-its been a while since I talked to anyone about him. My parents never quite know what to say and mum acts like I'm made of glass if I mention Marco's name. It's both soothing and infuriating at the same time. I'll probably be grieving him for a long time, but I want to keep moving forward too."

After pulling up a photo, Jean slid the device over to Eren. "That's him. We grew up together, actually. I guess we were about six when we met and I stole his nap blanket because it looked warmer than mine. But we couldn't settle the fight and somehow ended up sharing every day from that point on. Before I knew it, we were best friends. It seemed natural to just fall into a relationship when we realized we were both gay." Jean shrugged his shoulder again, eyes watching Eren for any reaction.

The image looked small, but crisp against the pure white of the kitchen island. Eren grazed his fingers through the edge of it, feeling static as he looked at the smiling, freckled boy posing for the camera. His dark hair fluffed against his face which looked tan and bright and full of life to a degree that even a photograph of the guy could capture it. Although the image cut off at the torso, Eren could tell he must have been tall. Actually, he looked a bit like Bertolt, minus the freckles and parted hair, and all of a sudden, that relationship made a lot more sense.

"He looks kind," Eren murmured. Which sounded far too stupid. Kind? He just looked at a photograph of the guy. He didn't know shit. Jean chuckled though, a faint, fluttery sound that rolled across Eren's frazzled nerves.

"He was. Like, one of the most genuinely kind people to ever exist. Most people do nice things because they feel they have to, but he just liked to see others smile. And I have to admit, I really liked to see his smile too. Could light up a whole room." Grinning, Jean took a drink from his beer, not minding when Eren touched the image again with a new understanding in his eye.

It was strange, but Eren already felt like he knew Marco. The soft blue sky and lush trees in the photo's background spoke of hours spent under the sun's bright rays. His eyes crinkled from endless laughter…and he'd done right by Jean. It was obvious in the way he talked about Marco and the way it tore him up so bad. The incorrigible asshole that he was, Jean needed someone like Marco to put him right, keep all the shit comments at bay. God, Eren couldn't be more different from that. He always said his mind, even when he shouldn't, and he didn't give up. Stubborn, idiotic, troublesome, an ass—he'd been called all those things over the years. He probably matched Jean a little too well.

It struck Eren then, as he watched a goofy little smile play across Jean's face at some distant memory, that he'd been crushing hard on someone with his heartstrings tied in a knot. It made him feel like a selfish douche for trying to untangle them. Shit.

Jean glanced over at Eren, one eyebrow raised like he couldn't understand Eren's dilemma at all. "What are you thinking so hard about?"

Clearing his throat, Eren forced back a shiver of surprise to find them still engaged in conversation. "Oh…uh? This might sound a bit strange since I never met him, but…I think I would have liked Marco." Because he would have. No matter how messed up this situation felt and even if a faint pang of jealousy went through Eren at the reminder that he could never really compete against something _gone_ , he still liked the guy. They could have been friends, all three of them.

Rather than look taken aback, Jean smiled. Thumbing his own finger over Marco's photo, he nodded. "He would have liked you too. Yeah, definitely."

"How can you be sure?" Eren asked, the words coming out in a croak. He covered his mouth, flushing at how much weakness leaked through his voice. Still, he pushed forward. "You don't really know me. I'm not that great of a guy and you'll figure that out as some point."

The smile on Jean's lips tugged down before he forced his lips back into a straight line. He didn't want to frown at Eren right now, but his whole being wanted to reject those words of his. "Well, Marco always did have a thing for stubborn assholes. The more troublesome, the better. After all, he was friends with me." Jean licked his lips, eyes darting back down to the counter. "But…I do know you're a good guy. I'm sure you're everything you say you are, but I'd still be trying to figure out how to start a new relationship if you hadn't dragged me along at your pace. You gave me space when I asked for it, listened to me, held me, but you didn't look at me like I was broken. I guess that's it—you don't pity me. You look at me like you're trying to understand."

Eren nodded his head numbly. "It seems like the least I can do…" Jean's words repeated in his mind over and over, giving him whiplash. He hadn't expected to hear them at all, so hell if they left him a bit dizzy. He'd done right by Jean. Even though he didn't know anything at the start and he still didn't know what he was doing half the time, he'd been exactly what Jean needed. Maybe the iConnect's data meant something after all.

They fell into silence after that, mostly drinking and making small comments. Jean slid his iConnect back into his pocket and they said nothing more on the subject. They said nothing about deep things at all until they were left sharing the last bottle of beer, the empty remains scattered about the counter. Handing the bottle back to Eren, Jean stretched in his stool, back leaned against the counter.

"I am curious about one thing though. Why'd you ask me for a dance in the first place? It was like you had eyes for me and only me. I told you off, man. Normally that should have been the end of it."

Eren chuckled, knocking back the last of the beer. "Hm, it was something like that. Don't you ever browse through your iConnect?"

One eyebrow hiking up into his hairline, Jean just gave Eren a look. "Er, not really. Why? Don't say you found out about me from some lame article about hot bachelors." He snorted, eyeing the empty bottle that Eren started to spin idly with one finger stuck inside the mouth of it. Of course he finished it off. Jean rolled his eyes.

His head throwing back with laughter, Eren waved off Jean's idea with a wild shake of his hand. "No, no, no! I'm talking about the compatibility app! You seriously haven't looked at it?! Oh man, take a look…" Pulling out his device, he thumbed his way through the screens until he'd pulled up the correct one. "Match number one: Jean Kirschtein."

"The fuck?!" Jean leaned over, his eyes wide as he looked at the little picture of himself and the percentage next to it. "How the hell do I have a ninety-eight percent with you? That's ludicrous!"

"Hey! I'm wounded here," Eren whined, one hand pressed over his heart. "It actually went up since I first saw it. I guess that means we really are good for each other if we're only improving. So, yeah, now you know why I was so determined to get that dance. How could I pass up learning if that percent was right? I was curious, man!"

Still shaking his head, Jean couldn't stop the smile that split his face. "Seems like we were meant to be. Damn though, I'm a bit surprised. We argued a shit ton that night. I'd hardly call that compatible." Rolling his eyes, he nudged Eren's leg with his foot, just wanting the physical contact, even as a teasing smile passed over his face.

His grin lazy, Eren nudged him back. "It was fun though, right?"

"Yeah…" Jean admitted. "I couldn't remember the last time I felt so excited when I woke up the next morning, remembering it. It's so easy to be my old self with you. I wonder why?" Hazel eyes slid over to Eren's, meeting the bright green gaze for five seconds.

Eren broke the contact first as he leaned over to press a kiss to Jean's cheek. "Does it really matter?" He could feel Jean's hum of affirmation through his skin, felt it settle into a warm pit inside of his stomach. It might not be the right moment to say it, but he felt in love. When Jean was ready to hear it, he'd say the words, but right now, he just slung his arm over the other man's shoulders and held him close.

Jean melted into the hug, leaning against Eren's side, though he couldn't help but throw out a last teasing comment. "You stalked me because of an app. Creeper."

"I did not!" Eren huffed as he ran a hand through Jean's hair, reveling in the soft texture of it. "I just happened to recognize your stupid, club-goer face." But yeah, he'd did stalk Jean, in the most non-violent, non-creeperish way possible. Totally.

Jean's laugh vibrated between them. "…Thank you."

Eren froze as those two words settled down over him. The silence between them reverent, he couldn't help but realize the significance of those words. No doubt, they were as close to an 'I love you,' as Eren would get right now and he praised that. Jean wanted him in his life, for better or worse. He knew difficult moments still lay ahead of them and they made almost no progress on a real relationship, but right now, the ground work lay ready. He could build something on this, something beautiful. And with Jean's eyes shining at him in complete adoration, he knew that was exactly what the other man wanted as well.

xXx

Armin walked into Eren's apartment with an armful of groceries, muttering about the idiotic lack of a locked door. However, he stopped short to see two figures collapsed on the couch, the tiger patterned blanket thrown on top like an afterthought. He blinked, stared, then rolled his eyes. "This is awkward. Can't you two at least use the bedroom?" he huffed, knowing full well that his voice carried enough to wake at least one of them.

Eren let out a small noise that could only be described as a whimper. "What d'ya even want?" He moaned again, finally dragging both eyes open. The sight of Armin tapping one foot, eyebrow raised, caused Eren to snap awake. "Seriously? Could you at least text before you come over? Or get a hint and walk back out."

Armin rolled his eyes. "I did text. Knocked too. Now I know why you didn't answer. _Eren._ " He pointed his eyes at Jean, then back to Eren again.

"Freakin jackal…" Patting Jean on the back, Eren murmured for the other man to wake up. Even though they were fully dressed, he knew they looked scandalous, at least in Armin's eyes. So what if after a full six pack of beer, they decided to collapse onto the couch together and sleep it off? It was hardly the worst Armin saw Eren do.

"…Hung over. Leave me _alone,_ " served as Jean's response. His eyes not open yet, the man ground out the words as if the very act of speaking hurt him. Eren chuckled before sliding out from under Jean and stretching. As much as he'd loved sleeping like that, he felt like a van ran him over and then someone tucked him inside a suitcase so all his sore limbs could get stuck in the same place.

"I feel that, but you might want to open your eyes. We, uh, have a guest." Eren dragged a hand through his hair, trying not to sound sheepish. He didn't expect last night to go the way it did and he definitely didn't expect the morning after to turn into an awkward meet and greet.

Armin, bless or curse his heart, beamed with excitement. "You're the Jean I've been hearing about, I presume?" Stepping up to the couch, he offered his hand just as Jean bolted up, eyes wide. "It's nice to meet you. Guess things have been going well between you and Eren?" he added with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Jean paled as he opened his mouth, managing only a squeak for words, even as Armin got a hold of his hand to shake. "I…wha? Who?" He finally gasped, eyes darting to Eren in a clear plea for help. Eren slapped a hand over his face, groaning long and deep.

"Armin! Play nice!" He dropped his hand to level the much smaller blonde man with a glare. "And stop acting like you haven't see two grown men sleeping on a couch before. We weren't _doing_ anything." His voice dropped into a whine, unable to help it when his best friend made him feel like a misbehaving dog and his new (lover?) looked like a deer a half second away from getting run over.

Chuckling at that, Armin backed off before he goaded Eren too far. The guy looked like he might throw some punches if pushed too hard right now. Besides, Armin felt too pleased with the situation, so he lowered his voice into a soft tease. "I know. And even if you were doing something, I wouldn't judge you and you know it, Ere." He shook his head and turned back to the groceries, intent on putting the vegetables and milk away before they spoiled. "Besides, it wouldn't be the first time I've seen your dick," he added with a laugh.

"What the fuck is going on here!" Jean groaned, throwing both hands over the very red blush rising in his cheeks. He felt caught in the middle of a storm and he just woke up. Didn't these idiots know much he struggled to scour his soul last night? Now they needed to scramble his mind too? _Wait._ He snapped his gaze over to Armin. "You've seen his dick?!" Oh god, he just opened himself to a new relationship. He didn't need this in his life.

Armin laughed again, ignoring the yelp Eren let out, looking almost desperate to clear up the misunderstanding before it could unfold. "Don't worry, it was a long time ago. I grew up with Eren, so we've done a few things. We're basically brothers though," he said with a smile. Once he put the groceries away, Armin turned back around to lean against the counter. "I'm just glad he's found someone else to crawl into his bed in the middle of the night, looking for, or rather, needing love. Lord knows _I'm_ never going to do it again."

"Would you seriously shut up, Armin!" Eren groaned as he collapsed over the back of the couch. He was going to die, seriously _die_ from embarrassment right now. "No one even invited you here. You're going to make Jean hate me if you keep talking like that!" He knew the words sounded too real and his ears burned red with the knowledge. It made him glad for the plushness of the maroon cushions as he buried his face in the couch back. Surely then no one would notice his own redness.

Tilting his head back, Jean looked at Eren, face blank for a second before he let out a rueful grin. "I won't hate you, idiot. I'm here now aren't I?" Before he could overthink it, he twined his fingers in Eren's hair, smoothing the tangles from the soft brown strands. _Fuck._ How did he not notice how nice this guy's hair felt? As the seconds continued to pass, he forgot that Armin still watched them with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, as nice as this show is. I really must be getting back. Give Mikasa a call later, okay," Armin sighed, pushing away from the counter again. He figured he wasn't welcome despite how much he enjoyed himself. "But just to get things straight, I'm not overreacting am I? You are boyfriends now. Right?" He stared at Eren, slowly sliding his gaze to take in Jean before settling his eyes on Eren once again.

Suddenly the air in the room felt too dry and hot for Eren to consider it air any more. What were these eyes on him, waiting, expectant? Even if he wanted to, he didn't think he could answer Armin's words. Did he and Jean say anything as official as that? He thought the silence might stretch forever, but much to his surprise, it was Jean who spoke first.

"We are…dating. I guess?" As much as he tried to make the words a statement, they came out with the hesitant tone of a question. Hazel eyes lifted up to stare at Eren, too many emotions sliding through that gaze for Eren to have any hope of interpreting half of them. He grabbed hold of the hope though as he coated himself in the emotion.

"Yes! We're definitely dating!" He exclaimed, surging up from the couch again so he could grab Jean's hand, crushing it in his own. "And don't you dare question it, Armin! Ninety-eight percent perfect, bro."

Taking in the strength from Eren's words, Jean reiterated. "Yes, definitely."

Armin burst out laughing, even as warmth swam in his eyes. For the first time since waking, Jean felt he might grow to like this kid, despite his chiding tongue. "Good." Pulling open the door, he waved once before stepping back outside. "You two deserve someone good for each other. Now go, be happy. Lovesick morons!"

The door fell closed, leaving the two men behind, exchanging baffled glances. "What the hell is the story with that guy? You better explain this in a way that doesn't make me break your neck!" Jean snapped, feeling breathless now that the room filled with silence. He didn't notice it before, but without someone breaking into the conversation every other sentence, he recognized the sudden quiet. Which felt nice, but a little harsh against his frazzled nerves.

Eren laughed just as breathlessly before he threw back his head and dragged both hands through his hair. "Oh god. I'm not sure I can do that so please go easy on the neck." Still biting back laughter, he returned his gaze to Jean, unable to stop the goofy grin that settled itself on his face. "I'll tell you everything later. Promise, and all. But first, can we make some pancakes and coffee? I haven't eaten in ages!"

Unable to help his own laughter, Jean pulled away from the couch, more content than he thought to let this slide. "Yeah. But you'll be telling me everything there is to know about you right afterwards, so be prepared. 'Bout time I know as much about you as you do about me," he added, feeling just a smidge spiteful. However, the sheer amount of contentment settling into his bones won out over anything else. "Now, what was this about pancakes?"

Eren gave a few energetic nods. "Of course! And don't worry, we're in this together. Armin was just being himself," he added with a roll of his eyes. "Now come over here and give your new boyfriend a kiss." Sliding onto one of the counters, he grinned with pure glee, tapping his lips with a finger. As playful as the gesture looked, Jean couldn't help but comply. He blamed Eren's eyes; Jean couldn't even dream of denying them, even as his heart gave an awkward tremor.

The feel of Eren's lips under his without the aid of alcohol made Jean's heart squeeze inside his chest. They were doing this. They proclaimed themselves boyfriends out loud and at least one person heard it, so he couldn't use the soft glow of alcohol as an excuse. He and Eren were real.

As Eren slid a hand down his back, so feather light that it brought a gasp to Jean's lips, he decided that he didn't mind. Everything right now, was okay. Sliding back, Jean let his voice drop into a low murmur, suddenly serious, though he tried to play it off. "…And they lived happily ever after."

Eren threw back his head, laughing straight into the morning sun that glinted through a kitchen window. "After a shit ton of hard work and broken eggs!" he huffed. Because he knew what he got himself into. Pressing a kiss to Jean's lips, quick and chaste, he bounced off the counter again. "But babe, I think we'll manage just fine."

Looking into Eren's bright sea-green eyes, Jean couldn't help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since I updated. Got so busy with other stories and EreJean week. We're about done with this one though. Just have the epilogue left and then these boys can live happily ever after!


	5. Epilogue

One year after they started dating, Jean and Eren stood under the bright summer sun. Golden light filtered around them, leaving the tree branches dancing like woodland sprites. It felt perfect, and Eren couldn't help but smile.

"Are you ready?" He reached out to grasp Jean's hand in silent encouragement. Though he kept his gaze ahead, he knew the other man looked far into the distance. That brought him no unease though, even on a day like this. It didn't matter that they stood like this for minutes, or that sweat pooled under his collar. Because Jean asked it, he would wait with him, even until dusk. After all, he knew just how tall the gate in front of them must look.

Jean slid his gaze over to Eren, taking in his earnest expression before nodding once. "Yes." He smiled, then squeezed Eren's hand after another second. It wasn't much, but he needed to repay his boyfriend for being here, in this moment, as well as for the past year. "I need to do this…with you."

A soft breath out, another smile. "…I know."

Like that, they started walking again, pushing past the gate and into the serene cemetery beyond. So much happened since they fell asleep on Eren's shitty couch. At times, it felt like they would splinter so far apart that they would never fit back together again. But, just when they careened off the rails, something always pulled them back. Sometimes the pull came from store clerks who shouldn't know they argued one minute before. Sometimes it came from the hot water cutting out at the perfect moment. Sometimes, it was just Armin's _look_. How the moments kept happening, Eren could only guess. He felt like a spirit watched over them though—one very particular spirit.

Marco was, without a doubt, both their savior and their near doom. The anniversary of his death came two months into their relationship and they were raw, almost too fragile for the pain. Anyone else would break apart and the scars still lay deep in the tissue of Eren's heart. Even on the calmest nights, he remembered holding the other man as sobbed and cursed and _hated_ Eren. Nails had wildly tried to rip both their skins for the sake of pain. And Eren just held him so he couldn't hurt himself. Held him until the tears turned to a dead silence, thicker than anything they'd encountered before.

That day, a canyon formed between them. And yet, as quick as the canyon formed, Jean built a bridge. Eyes still red-rimmed and shimmering the next morning, he simply threw his arms around Eren and whispered a _'thank you,'_ like he had in the past. The two words started everything over and they moved forward, learning to love as they went.

It took Eren three months after that to verbalize that love and even now, he heard Jean repeat it so few times. He'd heard the words though—first in the dead of night, after an exhausting round of sex. Then, again, shy and so brittle and raw after they made up from some stupid fight over the red toothbrush in the two-pack they bought. It shocked Eren so bad that he dropped both toothbrushes in the trash. But, throwing his arms around Jean with a choked cry, he never felt more happy. Jean squeezed him back and he felt his utter _euphoria_ from releasing those words. He felt it flow right from Jean and into him. That moment could tide them over through anything and it could tide them through this as well.

Jean's feet knew the path, so Eren let the other man lead the way toward the cemetery's center. Although he wanted to before, he never let himself visit Marco's grave. Jean hadn't been ready for it and a part of Eren knew that they needed to do this together. Just like they placed a little, framed picture of Marco in the entry way so they would never forget the past, they needed to reach this point as a couple.

"We're here…" The words dragged Eren out of his thoughts. When he twisted to meet Jean's gaze though, he found such peace in that expression. Good. Yeah, that was good. Slowly, ever so slowly, he slid his gaze down to stare at the headstone. A small angel perched on top, its wings stretched up toward the heavens as little hands hugged the stone. _'To the angels who left us far too soon.'_ Eren couldn't help but find it fitting as Jean knelt to offer a bushel of flowers.

"Do you need a minute?"

After a second of hesitation, Jean nodded his head. "Just for a bit. Although I don't believe in God like he did, I want to pray in silence. He'd like that." Offering a faint smile, Jean smoothed his fingers over the stone's engraving as if touching a loved one's face. There was a distance as well as a nostalgia to the touch though, not like the passionate, heated touches that he and Eren shared. Settling back against another stone, Eren wrapped his arms around himself to wait.

For possibly the first time in his life, Jean pressed his hands together. Eren certainly never saw the other man pray before. He prized himself on believing in his own power rather than some cosmic force. And could he forgive the world if an outside power left his lover broken outside their apartment one late November night? However, the reverence that fell onto Jean's face didn't look the slightest bit out of place.

The silence between them continued for a few minutes and Eren let himself relax. He'd just slipped his eyes closed, listening as birds flit among the trees, when Jean tugged his hand. He didn't notice the other man standing, brushing soil from his jeans, so Eren couldn't help but startle. "Huh? Done already?" He dragged a hand through his hair, feeling stupid and awkward.

Jean smiled, moving his thumb down so he could rub the back of Eren's hand. He wasn't sure if that was meant to soothe him or for Jean's own comfort. Either way, he smiled back and let Jean make tiny circles of warmth against his skin. "Yeah. I don't know what to say in these kinds of situations and it's not like it's the first time I've knelt on his grave."

Eren swallowed hard. "Right. But you're good?"

"Yeah." For once, the word sounded strong and not like a mask for Jean's true feelings. "Now, come on. I want to introduce you to Marco since we're solidly hitched now," he threw out with a laugh. While not on par with Jean's usual laugh, it at least didn't sound pained.

Once they both stood in front of the grave, Eren let himself breathe. He had to think about it too, because a part of him forgot for a full twenty seconds. "I'm not very good at this either, you know," he grumbled. "Should I talk aloud?"

Jean laughed, shaking his head at his boyfriend's reluctance. Eren insisted that he come though, so Jean didn't understand why he balked now. Then again, he supposed the idea of talking to a gravestone felt a little weird. And yet, he understood exactly why people did it. "If you want to. Come on, I'll start…" Jean cleared his throat, still holding tight to Eren's hand as he focused on the angel once again. "Hey Marco, I brought someone with me today. We've been dating for a while now, so I thought I should share him with you. I hope you don't mind."

Eren started to rub circles along the back of Jean's hand like he'd done earlier. Jean didn't react, but after a second, he continued speaking. "But…I wanted to let you know that you don't have to worry about me anymore. I've got someone else who can pick up the pieces. Rest easy, kay, Marco? Eren, he makes me happy…" Jean choked for a second, brushing his eyes before giving up and letting the tears fall. He didn't come to sobs though and after a second, the tears dried, having been brought on by something other than anguish or loneliness. "Even if a part of my heart never stops loving you, I'm moving on. So, you don't linger here either. Who knows, we might meet in another life." Chuckling softly, Jean placed his hand over the angel's head. After a soft breath, Eren dropped a hand on top of Jean's. _Perfect_.

Eren couldn't help but force back tears of his own because Jean never revealed so much. It made Eren relish the little proofs that he alone held Jean's hand. However, looking down at Marco's grave, he realized he didn't come just to say good bye. Even he found it strange, but he'd grown to know so much about Jean's previous boyfriend without ever having met. Maybe, it was time he let Marco know that.

"You spoke well," Eren whispered, offering a smile as Jean shuddered. When he looked up, his hazel eyes shone brighter than they had in weeks, his shoulders free of any weight. "You good?"

Jean smiled without any hesitation. Looking into Eren's eyes, he felt the expression wash over him, so happy to exist in this moment. "I'm good," Jean answered, almost breathless. "I'm more than good." He threw his arms around Eren before stepping back with a hint of reverence coming back into his tone, even as his eyes stayed bright. "Did you want to say something?"

Eren nodded. "Uh, yeah. Just a bit. If you could…?"

Jean stepped back at the unfinished question, but he didn't retreat and Eren felt glad for that. He didn't want to let Jean out of his sight in a cemetery like this, but he also relished the feeling of Jean at his back. It gave him the strength to say the words he'd been mulling over for some time now.

"Hey…" Still feeling awkward, Eren managed the single word before clearing his throat. He smoothed his voice out, smiling lopsidedly, and continued. "I know we haven't met, but it's funny how well I know you. I feel like…we would have been friends."

Maybe they would have been more. Maybe Marco and Jean would have been more and they would never meet, but Eren couldn't help but think something drew them all together. "I know it's because of your influence that Jean became such a great guy. He's kind, and loyal, and always improving, even though he's kind of an ass." Eren coughed into his hand. "Well, I am too, so it's all good. I just…wanted to thank you for bringing him to this point. I'll take care of him so…" He trailed off, unable to finish the thought before leaning forward to whisper his next words for Marco's ears alone. "But if we could meet, all three of us in another life, I think I'd like that very much."

When Eren turned around, he caught Jean staring at him with a flush climbing high into his cheekbones. No doubt he heard what Eren said, so he threw out a wild grin. "What? You think you're the only one who gets to embarrass his lover in front of the ex-lover's grave?" Eren scoffed. Despite the crassness of the words, he knew they wouldn't get under Jean's skin.

On cue, Jean rolled his eyes, punching Eren playfully in the arm. "Come off it, ass. You're just cocky because I brought you here to show you off."

"Yeah?" A lazy grin spread across Eren's face as he pulled the other man closer. "You could show me off some more. I kinda love it." Bumping shoulders together, he felt a shiver of warmth at their contact. It made him pause, taking in the sudden heart-stopping image of Jean pressed against him. The feeling only worsened when he saw pink creep up the other man's neck like warmth itself filled him. _Oh._ Eren found a matching blush rising on his skin because that was just it wasn't it?

"Or….you can show me off later. Yeah?" His mouth suddenly dry, Eren pushed them back toward the car with urgent steps because he _needed_ Jean right then. He needed Jean because the look he wore said he wanted nothing more than to fall into oblivion together. Eren for one, wasn't in the mood to deny.

By the time they stumbled into their shared apartment, their passion hadn't cooled in the least. Jean shoved Eren back against the wall, crowding his body in close as he stole a kiss. Heated and sloppy, he didn't care when Eren bit his lip in retaliation or dug nails into his hip, grounding them both. They spun, Eren pinning Jean against the wall a second later just so he could hold him still, eyes raking over Jean's body. He shivered in response, already knowing what would come next.

When Eren pressed another kiss to Jean's lips, they moved slow, eyes open as they watched each other come undone. Hands moved with purpose now, their touches feather light as Eren moved to trace hearts over Jean's palm. His other arm held them close as Jean stroked fingers through Eren's hair. He'd grown it longer and felt so soft, even when it looked tousled from the outdoors. He doubted the mess ever tangled.

Eren's teeth scraped the corner of his jaw and Jean moaned, eyes locking back onto Eren's instead of the distant place he traveled to. "I want you," he murmured, finally voicing what they both knew already. He tangled his fingers with Eren's, almost content to stay like this. But he always wanted more, and, looking in Eren's eyes, he knew the other man wanted much, _much_ more.

Throwing back his head with a little groan, Eren managed to refrain from yanking Jean across the room and throwing him onto the bed. He settled for pressing a small kiss to Jean's lips, savoring the taste like it alone intoxicated him. Not Jean himself, standing there flushed and breathing heavy, eyes as full of want as his spit-slick lips. "Me too, babe. I want you so bad."

Pulling Jean behind him, Eren led the way to the bed where he sat, the other man sliding down into his lap. They shared another kiss as Jean smoothed his hands up Eren's back, taking his time to map out the familiar contours. Eren's spine never stuck out like Jean's did when he was a teen, but rather, muscle rippled under the dark skin there. It felt nice and solid and warm beneath his fingers, even on the coldest nights. Right now, it felt like furnaces burned beneath Eren's skin.

Letting out a small, shuddering sigh, Eren stilled Jean's hands so he could press him to the bed, covering his leaner form. The sight took his breath away. Unable to keep the thought from his lips, he echoed it aloud, voice a reverent whisper. "You're so beautiful, Jean. When you're sad, or you're happy, or you're wanting me. God, I want to touch you slow and make you pretty. You're _so_ pretty."

"Jesus!" Jean groaned. "Will you shut up, Eren?" He didn't have the chance to say more though when Eren yanked his shirt up and bent down to kiss one nipple before traveling lower. Eren moved without any hurry. It made no sense considering how much he wanted Jean right now, but he needed to savor this. It wasn't just lust that spurred his need. No, he needed to give Jean love right now.

After he lavished every inch of Jean's torso with kisses, he dropped a hand to the front of his jeans. Jean looked at him, almost questioning for a second before Eren flicked open the button. With slow, purposeful strokes, he began to pump his hand along Jean's length. Each little move drew a groan from Jean's lips as he twitched his hips up to match Eren's rhythm. He didn't try to increase the tempo and Eren kept it teasing and slow. Jean seemed to sense the kind of sex Eren wanted and he melted into it. With a last shudder of tension, he threw himself completely into the ministrations of the other man, content to let himself be loved.

"Jean…"

"Hm?" Jean rolled his head to the side, smiling.

Eren's breath caught for a second, though his hand continued to travel down, trailing precum over Jean's balls and across one cheek. He went back for more until he'd coated his fingers, then moved back to the other's puckered entrance. "Ready?" He received a nod in return, languid, but eager. Slowly, he pressed one finger inside. The cum slicked the entrance some, but he still felt resistance. It left him pausing, wriggling his finger, but not going further.

Jean shifted, spreading his legs so Eren could nestle between them. The slow movements of Eren's finger left more precum dribbling onto his stomach as he bit back a groan, eyes squeezed shut against the sensations. It felt uncomfortable, but he wanted more of it. After another second, he pushed back against Eren's finger. "It's okay. You won't hurt me. Damn-" A rueful grin passed over his lips. "Just forgoing lube for today? It's in the drawer _two feet_ away," he teased, even though Eren obliged and pushed his finger in deeper, which made it very hard to joke about anything. God damn it burned in the most delicious way possible.

Flashing a lopsided grin, Eren tossed back his hair in a show of confidence. "Nah, just like this is good. You don't need it anyway," he added as he pressed a second finger inside. "See? Your natural wetness is all I need, baby."

" _God_ , Eren!" Jean threw an arm over his face, not sure if he groaned because of the other man's words or the way he made him feel. It was true though, his body let Eren inside so easily, especially when the other man teased him like this. It felt like Eren made it his mission to pull out every groan his body could manage using his fingers alone.

"I know," Eren huffed back. "I am pretty good, aren't I?"

Jean kicked his back as he fixed the other man with his most fierce glare, but Eren met the look with such soft eyes that he couldn't hold it for long. Carefully, Eren pulled Jean's arm away and pressed it to the bedsheets, tangling their fingers together as his tongue continued to rove over Jean's most sensitive areas—the spot beneath his jaw, the tips of his ears, his belly button, the very tip of his cock. Eren touched each spot with a reverence that left Jean gasping for air. By the time Eren finished prepping him, Jean wasn't sure he could last another minute.

"Hurry…" Pulling Eren down for a deep kiss, Jean managed to murmur the words between the tangling of their tongues. "I don't want to come without you."

"Jean, you-!" Eren growled, throwing the last of his clothes to the floor, having ditched the shirt and jacket at some point Jean couldn't pinpoint. "I'm close too. I-I'm gonna put it in now." The blunt edge of Eren's dick pressed against Jean's opening, then slid inside with a wet pop.

"Shit!" Jean wrapped both legs around his waist to urge the other man in deeper. Eren bottomed out, gasping, both of them gasping as they tried to catch their breaths. Then, their eyes met again and Eren pulled back, hands gentle against Jean's hips. Jean tangled their fingers together a heartbeat later as he smiled, just as warm and lost. "Come on…"

Eren set a slow rhythm that pressed deep inside where he knew Jean felt good, where heat built in wave after wave. Kisses, sharp nails on shoulders and thighs as they moaned against each others lips. It wasn't enough though. Their eyes met again, the unspoken agreement passing between them. Jean thew his arms back to brace against the headboard as Eren pushed his thighs down to his chest. "Fuck!" He started to pound into the other man in earnest, pulling out cries that Jean couldn't even hope to suppress. He met each and every one of the thrusts with the same wild abandon, his cock so red and wet that they both knew he would come in seconds.

With one last deep thrust, Eren came, spilling his seed inside the other man. Jean cried out, hand flying to his cock. After two quick pulls, he followed, Eren's name on his lips. They fell together on the bed, too spent to care about cleaning up or the fact that Jean washed the sheets only two days ago. He liked them clean, even if Eren couldn't care less. Now though, it didn't matter. He wanted nothing more than to fall into a warm haze. Eren shifted to pull Jean's back flush against his chest, one hand sifting idly through his hair.

"You know, I'm still bummed you won't let me dye it. Like, maybe a toned brown and pink, or teal. You'd look so pretty, my own art displayed on your body," Eren hummed against his neck. Jean snorted, but he didn't bother opening his eyes. It was an old argument that he found easy to fall into even when his body ached and his eyelids wanted to stay closed for days, his heart full to bursting.

"Not gonna let you dye my hair pink, Ere. I'd rather pierce my eyebrows." Which he didn't much want to do either. It would look ugly on his face, only accenting the sharper edges of it. But pink? Eren really had the worst tastes.

Chuckling, Eren pressed a kiss against his neck before flopping back to stare across their shared room, one hand still tangled with Jean's. "Yeah, I know. I still have to try though. Can't help if I want to doll up what's mine." After a cheeky grin, he let his eyes roam from the window to the mirror placed on the western wall. Their legs tangled inside the frame, all golden in the evening light. He focused on the image, enjoying how two different people could fit together so well.

"Jean…" Eren's voice rose out of the silence again, a long minute after they had fallen silent. Jean almost drifted into sleep, but hearing the other man's tone, he blinked his eyes open again. "Do you believe in reincarnation?"

Shifting so he could look at Eren, Jean met the serious gaze that he found there. "I…don't know. It sounds nice, in the same way that heaven sounds nice, but I just can't adhere to anything like that."

Eren chuckled, his eyes sliding closed for a second before he met Jean's gaze again. Really, nothing could sound more like Jean. Of course he wouldn't think froo-froo idealist's thoughts. That was always Eren, despite how tough he might sometimes look. He let himself dream of oceans. "Yeah," he muttered, squeezing Jean's hand under the sheets. "It would be nice if something like that could happen. I just keep thinking about the future and how I want to be with you even then. As long as you can be happy…" He trailed off, not sure where his thoughts took him, or what caused this sudden vulnerability.

Jean flipped their hands so he could rub circles over the back of Eren's, enjoying the warmth of his skin and how he shuddered at the tiniest touch. "What are you saying, Eren? I am happy. I've been happy for a long time because of you," he added, completely resolute.

A hum of happiness pulled itself from his throat as Eren leaned forward to press a kiss to Jean's lips. Unhurried and light, he savored Jean's feel without demanding anything in return. After a few seconds, he pulled back, smiling. "I love you, Jean. So much. So much that I don't even know how to say it in words. You know that right?"

"Eren…" Jean squeezed his eyes shut for a second before pressing an answering kiss to Eren's lips. "I know. I love you too." He didn't hesitate over the words, not when they felt so natural in the fading light of day. He tucked his head into the crook of Eren's neck, content to stay there until morning if possible. Sure, they needed to make dinner and clean up and so many other things, but right now, he felt so relaxed that he could dream of being nowhere else, past or future. Maybe Eren thought about those things, as he also did in the early morning with Eren still thrown across the bed in some wild position. Right now though, he was here, in this moment—and this moment was perfect.

As they lay there, gazing into each others eyes, they knew their angel watched from above, just as happy with how they tangled together, so in love and perfect and ready for the future that lay ahead. And that alone was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally complete! The editing took way longer on this one than I thought. The epilogue was such a mess but I'm finally at a point where I'm happy with this story. Almost didn't think I would get it there. >.<
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed my first AoT fic. I can already say I've come so far. Hopefully I still have a long way to go as well! As always, the kind comments make the effort worthwhile. I hope we see each other again soon~

**Author's Note:**

> So wow, it's been about 4 years since I posted a fic and here I go jumping straight into a fandom with 20k words. XD I wanted to get something posted by the end of the year, but I should have the rest of the chapters posted soon. I'm just doing my final edits, so uh, enjoy my debut in AoT~


End file.
